The word gaslighting comes from the English phrase Gas Light. It was first mentioned in the play by British playwright Patrick Hamilton "Gas Light". The premiere took place on December 5, 1938 in London. In brief, the storyline describes a woman being psychologically manipulated by her husband, who wants to drive her crazy. In the 1980s, the term gaslighting entered the vocabulary of therapists and psychologists.

The purpose of gaslighting — affect the self-identification of the victim and make her / him question their perception of reality, their memory and self-esteem, life position, goals for the future.

A gaslighter can use a variety of methods and tactics to achieve their goals, including:

  • Denial: The gaslighter actively denies or distorts events , facts or statements that the victim perceives as reality. They may claim that what happened did not actually happen, or that the victim is mistaken in their memories.
  • Inverted view: gaslighter twists or changes events to give the victim the wrong idea about what is happening. They can exaggerate or downplay events, distort the context, or substitute facts.
  • False claims and lies: the gaslighter can purposefully make false statements, make false promises, or provide false information. This creates confusion and uncertainty for the victim.
  • Creating Doubt: The gaslighter skillfully places the victim in doubts about her own feelings, perceptions and reactions. They may tell the victim that she is "crazy", "sensitive" or "over the top" in order to weaken her confidence in her reaction to the situation.
  • Isolation: The gaslighter can actively isolate the victim from support, family and friends to control her environment and distort her perception of reality.
  • Emotion Manipulation: A gaslighter can exploit emotional weaknesses victim, to induce fear, guilt, shame or addiction in order to control her behavior and decisions.

Gaslighting is often used in relationships where one party seeks to establish and maintain control over the other party. This can happen in intimate partnerships, family, work, or other areas of life. Gaslighting is a dangerous and destructive form of psychological abuse that can seriously affect the victim's mental and emotional well-being.

What forms of violence can gaslighting escalate into?

When escalated and sustained in the context of domestic violence, gaslighting can escalate into various forms of violence and control. Some of them include:

  • Physical abuse: Gaslighting may be the first step to escalate violence, and eventually lead to physical violence. This may include threats, beatings, spanking, kicking, or other forms of direct physical abuse.
  • Emotional and Psychological Abuse: Gaslighting Itself is itself a form of emotional and psychological abuse. However, over time, gaslighting can become more intense and destructive. This may include systematic humiliation, insults, threats, intimidation, isolation, and manipulation to control and suppress the victim.
  • Financial Abuse: Gaslighting can also lead to financial violence. The perpetrator may control the victim's finances, limit their access to money, deprive them of their financial independence, or use their financial resources for their own benefit.
  • Sexual Assault: In some cases, gaslighting can evolve into sexual violence. The perpetrator may use gaslighting to control and manipulate sexual relationships, coerce the victim into unwanted sexual contact, or use their sexuality to their own advantage.
  • Social isolation: Gaslighting can also lead to social isolation of the victim. The perpetrator may actively work to isolate the victim from friends, family, and support. He can create conflicts and spread false information about the victim in order to alienate the people around him and strengthen his control position.

These forms of violence are often interrelated and can reinforce each other. It is important to realize that gaslighting — this is not just a manipulative tactic, but also a serious form of psychological abuse that can lead to the escalation of violence into various areas of the victim's life. If you are in a situation of violence, it is important to seek help and support from professionals in order to protect yourself and your rights.

How to protect yourself from gaslighting

Protecting yourself from gaslighting in the context of domestic violence can be difficult, but possible. Here are some ways you can help protect yourself:

  • Recognize gaslighting: It is important to recognize that with you are being gaslighted and that it is a form of manipulation and control. Pay attention to signs of gaslighting, such as lying, denying your reality, changing events, or doubting your memory and perception.
  • Maintain your reality: Believe in your feelings , thoughts and experience. You have the right to your own opinion and perception of events. Record events if it helps you stay clear and aware.
  • Don't make excuses: Don't try to make excuses to the abuser or explain your point of view. Gaslighters often use excuses and guilt to make you constantly feel wrong or not good enough. Don't let them control your opinion of yourself.
  • Look for support: Seek support from trusted friends, family members or professional organizations. Tell them what's going on and get support and confirmation of your feelings. Connecting with people who believe in you can help you keep your reality.
  • Turn to the pros: Seek help from the pros such as psychologists or family counselors. They can provide you with the tools and strategies to deal with gaslighting and restore your self-esteem.
  • Take care of your well-being: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Practice self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy, and strive for healthy relationships and environments.
  • Set boundaries: Set clear boundaries in relationships with gaslighter. Determine what behaviors and statements are unacceptable to you, and do not let them overstep your boundaries. Be resolute in protecting your rights and dignity.

It's important to remember that protecting yourself from gaslighting can be tricky, especially in the context of domestic violence, where the perpetrator may have control over your life. If possible, seek help from professionals who can provide you with specific support and guidance in your situation.

How people unknowingly use gaslighting while not being abusers

Gaslighting can occur not only in the context of conscious psychological abuse, but also in more normal relationships without intentional malicious intent. In such cases, people may unknowingly resort to gaslighting for various reasons:

  • Lack of self-awareness: Some people may not be aware how their words and actions can affect others. They may not be able to recognize or acknowledge their role in distorting reality or creating doubt in others.
  • Defensive Reaction: Some people may resort to gaslighting as a defensive mechanism. When they feel threatened or afraid of being criticized, they may try to make a difference by distorting the facts or making other people doubt their memory or perception.
  • Low Emotional Intelligence: Some people may have low emotional intelligence and empathy, which makes them less sensitive to the emotional needs and experiences of others. As a result, they may inadvertently ignore or underestimate the emotional consequences of their words and actions, which can lead to gaslighting.
  • Perception-Reality Mismatch: People may have different perceptions and interpretations of the same situation. This can sometimes lead to unintentional gaslighting, where the person claims that their perception and interpretation of the situation is "correct" and does not acknowledge other people's opinions or experiences.

It is important to note that in such cases, people may unconsciously use gaslighting, but this does not relieve them of responsibility for their words and actions. It is important to strive for greater understanding and empathy in your relationships with others in order to avoid the potential harm associated with gaslighting.